clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
