She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
