Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
