this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
