I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
