We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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