smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
