i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
