He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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