I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
