literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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