who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
