No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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