You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
