ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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