so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
