By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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