Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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