I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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