I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My cat gives me a boner
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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