I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
