Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
