when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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