Having a random hookup so left but love u
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
