The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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