hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
