and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
