Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
