mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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