I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
