Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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