Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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