so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
