he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
