She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
