Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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