Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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