I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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