Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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