I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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