I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
