who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
