apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
