We won't sleep together?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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