Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
