And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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