I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
