Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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