You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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