Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
