i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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