so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
