Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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